When I write, especially for blogs or for the public, I feel that I need to write the document to the perfection regardless of the purpose of it. I feel that I need to have perfect imagery, adjectives, and anecdots to "inspire" and connect with the readers of my writing. I constantly pressure myself to find better words, write complex, yet perfect phrases that would portray me as a good, if not great, and elite writer. But sometimes, I question, why in the world do I need to be some damned critical of myself? Why can't I just write as I am writing to myself, writing a diary, or just writing a simple email to a friend? Perhaps, it the problem we all have, but what I think my problem is that I want to "impress" people of who I am and by what I am thinking. Voila, here's your true, hard nosed elitist and perfectionist!!!
I have to admit that my past attempts at launching blogs of my own had failed not just because of technical issues I was having with the blog template and system, but also because of the issues I was having with my writing and what I wanted to write. Everytime, I sit down at night after the daily chores to write, I start thinking about the perfect introduction that could smoothly weave into the body paragraphs and to the conclusion without even really thinking about what I wanted to write. Even if I had a topic to write, I become too serious and academic that often it required references. After six years of post-secondary education, including the graduate degree, why, I question, do I keep putting additional burden on myself to write a collegiate essay of all things!
Nonetheless, I certainly foresee a benefit in continuing to do what I like to do - this will certainly help with my writing. My writing is not perfect. No matter how hard I try, there always will be mistakes and someone will have to proof read it to make sure I didn't miss articles such as 'a' and 'the.' Even after several proof reads, there will be mistakes. I am sure that after I finish writing this, proof reading it, and publishing it, when I read it some other day, I will say "what was I thinking in writing such sentence?" "Why did I miss that?" "That paragraph does not have good supporting ideas." To that, the best excuase I can give myself is "we are not perfect."
I believe that it is the nature of us humans to be imperfect, and some believe that such is the beauty of a human being. In my opinion, the beauty of human beings lie in the act of bring ourselves closer to the perfection - "effort," "perseverence," "trying," and "endeaver" are few words that I think that describe such act. Contracting to what I proclaimed earlier, I think, or at least would like to consider, that this is why I keep trying to write to my best knolwedge, to write perfectly and not because I just want to be portrayed as an elitist or some "smartass." I take pride in that no matter what discourages me, I will keep searching for those perfect adjectives and phrases to express my ideas. Likewise, not in just my writing, but in all aspect of my life, I hope to find myself giving my best efforts to persevere my imperfections.
Picture: Grand Canyon at dusk, Hojoon Sohn, EF-S 17-85mm, Canon EOS 300 May 2006
